


Loss

by Trekgloria



Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trekgloria/pseuds/Trekgloria





	Loss

Ross had not returned to her, not that day or the next or the next. No word of comfort, no word about their future. Nothing. Just silence. He had left her with the understanding, "I must think," and the promise of, "soon." That told her all she needed that early morning, watching him from her bed preparing to leave. She had hoped to wake next to Ross and perhaps in the early morning he would take her again and make love to her. But this time more slowly, with words of endearment and assurances of their future. That he was anxious to leave was only to protect her reputation, so none knew of the event to share as cheap gossip. Her reputation and that Geoffrey Charles must be protected. That she understood. That he sought to protect her even now, put that before their time together reassured her of his commitment to their future.  
All during that first day while she waited for him to return, she tired to find a reason and understanding why he had not. That he had to tell Demelza, he had to deal with her, she knew and accepted. A difficult and delicate situation no doubt. And perhaps it had not gone smoothly. After all, Demelza was married to Ross, and surely was in love with him. Yet, Demelza must see, and Ross would make her see, it was useless to try and hold on to him. Certainly Demelza knew from the beginning, that Ross loved her, she was his Elizabeth. That he had married her, his servant was more evidence of his inability to love another as he had, and still love her.  
Ross wanted her still after all these years. And Ross was determined and would stop at nothing now that he knew she wanted him also. But now, Ross would do whatever was necessary to for them to be together. It had only been her inability to stand up to her mother, her genuine concern for Francis, whom she had for a while, and in a certain way, loved, that she didn't marry Ross when he returned from the war.  
But, time proved it was Ross she loved, before he left for that damnable war, even through it, and still now after all these years, wasted years. It was only when they told her he had been killed, that she had begun to think of life without Ross, to move on, to try and forget him. But when Ross returned, alive from the war, Elizabeth felt all those feelings again, but so much had transpired. And, Ross out of some honor had not come for her after learning of her engagement to Francis. And, her mother pointing that out. And, Frances, whom at the time, she did care for, acting like an injured puppy, promising her he would love her. Yes, all of that was why, but mostly it was because Ross had not come to her. It was his responsibility to prove his love and devotion still remained. It was Ross who had gone away, he had been presumed dead, and she had limited opportunities for a future. How long does one wait for the dead to return? Obviously, when Ross returned, it was his obligation to come to her. That was the correct and honorable thing to do. Yes, she denied her feelings for him, that was to be expected. She would show him what great treasure he had lost, he needed to see that this was all his fault.  
After that night when Elizabeth had surrendered herself to Ross, she did the only sensible thing, she informed George she could not go through with the marriage. She did not tell him why. It was too soon for that. She and Ross would need time before making this news public. It might take time to sort this out. But without a reason to offer, George was insistent she set another date. To satisfy him, she agreed on a new date, in a month. That would be plenty of time for Ross to end his marriage, at least in name and then they could arrange their future together.  
Elizabeth realized, all those years after she married Francis, Ross was there, nearby, and when she needed him, he would always come. In a way, except for the longing she felt whenever he was around, the dreams she had of him coming to her, begging her to forgive him and taking her and Geoffrey Charles away was a very comfortable notion. Sadly, when Francis was unable to manage his appetites, that is when things became very uncomfortable for her. The embarrassment of his debauchery, the worry of becoming destitute with his gambling, and his blatant disregard for her feelings when he drank in excess, that was the Francis she ceased to love. During that time, things were very difficult for Elizabeth. Only having her darling child, Geoffrey Charles made life bearable.  
Still Elizabeth could not fathom why Ross had not returned by the next day at least. Had she not given herself to him? Was that not enough to demonstrate she loved and wanted him. How could he not return to her? Everything changed that night for both of them surely. She now knew of what she missed all those years. A life that should have been hers, was withheld from her. But that night, Ross showed Elizabeth that he still cared for her, wanted her after all this time. And Ross in return brought forth in her the realization she wanted him and he aroused in her the most delicious sensation for the first time in her life.  
As she waited, she remembered his touch, his smell, his forceful demeanor as he grabbed and kissed her. That was the type of man she needed, one who understood her needs and fulfilled them. Even now, for Elizabeth the feeling of him entering her, when he buried himself deep within her, as he drove his manhood in her, feeling his hard cock sliding in and out of her was an unfamiliar wonder. All the times with Francis had been so controlled, so focused on his satisfaction. Elizabeth had only to receive Francis. When she thought of Ross and that night, Elizabeth was aware that she no longer could recall much about her times with Francis. Those memories seemed so long ago, so like a dream that with waking quickly fades from memory and eventually is forgotten, all that remains is a ghost of the thought. She recognized both Francis and she had joined, he to accommodate his needs, but Elizabeth had not really found joy or satisfaction in the act. It had been enough to see it as the way to conceive. Once Elizabeth realized she was pregnant, the times Francis came to her room ceased. For Elizabeth found the act to be one she disdained, until that night with Ross. But, that single time awakened in Elizabeth a new found passion and that became a desire that now consumed her. When she focused on Ross she could imagine what it would be like again. His hard body, wrapping his arms around hers, then slowly removing her clothes, and looking at her body in it's full flush of excitement. Ross would guide her in removing his clothes until he too was naked. She would finally look upon him, his lean body, so strong, so hard, ready to impale her on his straining shaft and relive her ache. She would revel as he moved his hands along her body, stopping to explore each inch, while kissing her. Their next time together would last though the night, an occasion to explore and experience the feeling until he entered her with a driving thrust.  
Imagining Ross undressing her, feeling his hands run over her body, touching her, standing behind her. Naked as she leaned against his firm body, to feel his hard cock press against her buttocks, to moan with an ache as his hands fondled her breasts. To have him turn her to face him. To gaze into his eyes, to see his love for her. Then to have his mouth move down and kiss her face, kissing her gently, further down her neck, soft kisses, feathery light, till he reached her breasts, and then he would placed his mouth around her nipples and suckle her, then she would know heaven. That is how it would be the next time, when Ross returned to her. Taking his time with her, guiding her through this new found existence. He would take his time, introduce her to the joys of love, he would bring her to that feeling again.  
Still the wait over the past few days had been onerous, and to escape the unease, she would return to that night in her mind time and time again. Her days seemed so long spent in waiting since that night. The memory of Ross making love to her was a heady and intoxicating one. She could not bear to imagine he would fail to return to her. And truly, she realized, her whole life from the day she met Ross as a young girl to that single night, had been spent in waiting, for him, for Ross, for them to be as one. She had been a fool to ever give him up. Her days seemed so much longer spent in waiting since that night. Those years seemed to have passed in a stupor, but the days since Ross came to her, took her, brought her body to womanhood as she had never imagined possible, these past few days since were long, dark, and interminable. Elizabeth felt as if she’d been awakened from a sad and forlorn dream that was reality and shown a future filled with love and passion. One night with Ross, roused within her a desire to be with him no matter the consequences.  
Each day as she waited, everything she did seemed tedious and dull. Woken from her hypnotic slumber with a renewed and focused fortitude of life, Elizabeth was ready to become Ross’ wife, the woman he loved. Each time she remembered when he took her, it was obvious Ross still loved her, Ross had come for her, to stop her from marrying George. That is what it had taken this time to show him he mustn't loose her again. But the waiting, was torture. Why had Ross not sent her a letter, a word, just returned to her? Surely, Demelza knew and would acquiesce to the inevitable that must be, a future with she and Ross together. Demelza had married far above her station. Elizabeth and Ross had made an intention, though the war and the opinions of others had prevented her from abiding by that then, nothing should come between them now.  
But for now, to survive the waiting she could only relieve the excitement of that one time. How forcefully he was, kissing her, even when she first resisted, but he kissed her again and then he pushed her upon the bed, only then did she respond to his kiss. The way he threw her dress up and exposed her. How he spread her legs, fumbled momentarily to loosen his pants, then when he entered her fully in one deep thrust, she gasped. Never had she felt with Francis. How Ross took her, that was how it was suppose to feel, not awkward fumbling and tiresome thrusts which left an emptiness in her heart. After many long years of yearning, of only imagining what it would be like with Ross, in the darkest hours of the night did she even dream of the feelings she had when Ross took her. There was such a thrill, a surge of excitement. Her nipples had been so hard, if only he placed his lips on them. She had not realized what is was to feel what she did when Ross was inside her. None of her fantasies had come close to the feeling of when Ross entered her. There was such an intensity as his cock battered to enter her. That was what she was craving, Ross to again take her. Remembering how it felt, his attention, his hands, his lips, and as he entered her, taking her body and bringing it to that sublime feeling again. Elizabeth trembled at the thought. To have Ross kiss her again, take her in his arms was something she found herself often imagining since that night.  
Like a child determined to have what it desires, Elizabeth could not stop summon that night. Each time, a soft moan would escape her. Welling up from the depth of her womb it seemed, that memory of Ross so hard upon and within in her. Just the thought of him caused a pressure within he, but no relief came like that night. Only by walking, could she ease this feeling that gripped her. Yet is was not in the relief that she felt when Ross filled her with his hard thrusting, till she felt the contracting of her womb and he released his seed in her. Rather just a gradual easing of that ache, hollow and empty. Elizabeth hungered for Ross, the knowledge of his body bringing her such pleasure. Surely the love Elizabeth felt for Ross, must be returned. She wrapped herself in that memory, letting it hold her till it she again was wrapped in Ross' arms and filled with him.  
Yet, he had not returned. Why? Why had he not returned or sent her word? The days were filled with worry and wonder. But, no Ross appeared, no letter, no word. George, maintained careful concern, he was attentive, reminding her of what he had to offer her. Security, safety, no worries, a future secured for Geoffrey Charles. But the thought of George brought none of the longing, the desire, the passion that Ross caused her to feel just thinking of his name.  
The first day had become two, then three, then four, then a week, and second week slipped away. Still no Ross and no word, no visit. Elizabeth felt trapped, she had no escape, no one to turn to. In the past it was Ross, he fixed things. But he was missing. She was alone and bereft of hope. Only George came to her.  
By the third week Elizabeth realized Ross would not return to her. Once again, he made promises, but failed to come to her rescue. She had been a drowning woman, and Ross had offered her his hand, pulled her above the waves and held her briefly, but had let her slip back and sink below the surface again. That was far more cruel than to have just ignored her. But to come to her, offer that hope of a future and himself and not return, that was heartless. All her hopes dashed. Her future with Ross gone. As before, she must think of him as dead. Yet his memory now would forever be of that night, not of the future that might have been, but rather a past of what she now knew. Instead of only longing and hope, she knew now of despair and aching. Ross had for the third time destroyed her.  
The day of the wedding Elizabeth dressed in the new outfit George had ordered, the finest silk, from her chemise to the coat. But, she was cold, deathly cold this day in spite of the warmth of the shining sun. Everything seemed gray and dull. George arrived in his carriage, took her hand and helped her in. Was this then to be her funeral bier, taking her to the church, for the words to be read which would confine her to the realm of the dead?  
At the church, George had taken her hand, assisted her out of the carriage, and walked along the path bordered by the graves of the dead. Suddenly the realization that so many before had come to this church one final time and then became silent sentinels to those who braved the world frightened her. She realized her fate was that of Eurydice. Relegated to that pale existence within Hades, when Ross came and took her, she was to be released and live again. But as Orpheus failed his Eurydice, so Ross had failed her.  
As they entered the church and George escorted her up the nave, she realized each step was one closer to ending her hopes and dreams. As they walked towards the reverend, she felt the sun slip behind clouds, the light filling the interior of the church slowly departed and the room darkened. Was this a portent of her future, to see the sun in it's blinding array only to have her life go cold, dark, until her last time above ground would be in this very church. She shivered at the thought.  
Elizabeth scarce recalled the ceremony, it would have been the same words she had said with Francis. But at least at that ceremony she had lacked the complete knowledge of what was ending and no insight of what was coming to her. Today, she knew what lay ahead of her, years of George bedding her. Somehow she suspected George would never be as accommodating as Francis. He had a more pragmatic approach to life; give something, expect something in return. Francis had finally realized that. With George there was nothing given without a repayment, no charity, only payment due when the goods were rendered. And George had delivered his part of the bargain.  
The ceremony over, then the celebration. Everyone wishing her well, but no one knowing what wretchedness she was feeling. Still she smiled and thanked them graciously. Elizabeth realized she possessed few of the skills to manage, but was blessed with the well-mannered trappings expected of her. She was born to be a lady and this she could do. So she offered everyone exactly what they expected. Finally they returned to Trenwith, and there was Geoffrey Charles, her light, her beacon, she would do whatever was necessary to ensure his future and success.  
Finally, George announced they were to bed and he took her hand and led her up the stairs to the room she has shared with Francis for those many yeas and that one night with Ross. For a moment, she panicked, she wanted to turn and run, run to Nampara, pound on the door, demanding that Demelza let her in and give Ross to her. But, George had a grip on her arm. She stared straight ahead and walked slowly to her waiting nuptial bed.


End file.
